Blind from the Beginning

Why was I so blind that I didn’t see what was going on? After years of being single…years of ‘bad boys’ trying to take advantage of me, why didn’t I see right through him? Was I so desperate for love…so small and worthless…that I couldn’t see through the lies? I wasn’t even physically attracted to him…but he serenaded me…literally sang and played guitar….Eric Clapton to me! He didn’t sing well, but wow could he play the guitar! What is wrong with me? I told him “I don’t date musicians. I’ve been burned to many times.” He shifted with this…changed his colors. “Oh I get it! Guitar players are cocky. I’m not a guitar player. I just like playing music.” Why did I fall for this? I knew better. ‘Well, he is my friend’s brother in law..and he isn’t from around here. Maybe he’s different than all the rest,’ I reasoned. ‘I mean, he SEEMS different.’ WTH?! Just because he can play a slow song on the guitar…why should I believe that is genuine emotion…real feelings for me? Yet I fell for it all. His ‘you are so beautiful, I feel nervous around you’ attitude. His ‘down on my luck, new in town’ story. He made me his number one…most important, nothing else matters person. He took me out in his fast car to fancy dinners, bought me expensive gifts and showered me with attention that I have never felt. Why did I fall for it? It was over the top, unrealistic infatuation! And I ate it up…feeling like FINALLY I mattered to someone. And the music…finally I have an outlet for the music in me. He played guitar and I sang,,,,it felt good! Again…WTH was wrong with me? Why did I think that THIS was love. Getting drunk….going out with my friends, concerts and parties, barbecues, camping, riding the wave of my ‘local fame’…how did I think this was love? I was lost already then…but never expected to be pulled down to the deepest, darkest place because of him.