Social Media

I’ve read countless books on narcissism and each one advises that you NEVER look at your ex-N’s social media. Like many behaviors, N’s have patterns of behavior. Social media accounts are a place to show the world how amazing their lives are…which means much of the content is fabricated to make them look better than humanly possible. This makes perfect sense to me. Before the breakup, I was starting to notice this but dismissed it. He often attempted to ignite jealousy in me during the divorce by posting and tagging his new conquests, and painting a picture of his new exciting, care-free life. He would even post articles and memes about Ex’s that I’m sure were target directly at me. As time went on, it became rather comical to me at what length’s NX (Narcissist Ex) would go to…to make a pathetic life look superior. Deep down, I knew that the advise from the books was accurate. In order to fully heal from the hold of NX, I had to leave him and his drama in the past and start my life anew. No matter how drawn you are to look at the car accident as you pass, it’s better to just keep driving with your eyes locked on the road ahead.

I will admit that when I see my past posts on Facebook where I have tagged him, I am often tempted to click his name in the link to see what drama web he is spinning today. Lately, I’ve been able to resist the urge to click on that horrible name. Today, however, I gave in to weakness. When I clicked on that wretched name in a naive post I tagged him in from 4 years ago (attempting to make him look good), I saw more than just re-posts of funny vidoes and political viewpoint memes. Today, I saw him tag his newest girl with a post about his honeymoon weekend with the perfect partner. It seems I now need to correct the above to describe his girl as his wife. The first thoughts running through my head were, “OK, so that’s why he didn’t swing by his Mom’s on Wednesday for the weekly grocery store drop off.” Our parenting plan states that he is to pick her up from school every Wednesday, then drop her off at a certain time at an agreed upon public location. Lately, his mom has been picking her up from school and taking her to her house. According to my daughter, he will often swing by his mom’s just before drop off time to take her to the drop off. I’m convinced it’s to add drama to the lives of both me and my daughter, but I’ve learned it’s difficult for a rational person to determine the motives of the irrational.

After pondering last week’s drop off schedule, my mind began to wander to other things. I thought: “That poor woman,” then “I wonder if his mom or my daughter even know he’s married,” then “wow, she may have some insecurities of her own to marry him after knowing him for less than a year and after only 6 months after ending his last marriage.” Then I started to celebrate that fact that this could mean he will leave me and my daughter alone! Then, reality sunk in. This will be mentioned as a pathetic attempt to make me jealous and further dig the knife into my daughter’s back, helping to increase her thoughts of being abandoned and replaced. This could go so many different ways, but I can assure you that this woman has no idea that she has just signed on the dotted line with the devil himself.

Should I have looked at his account on social media? No, probably not. It’s possible that my daughter may come home one evening after he has decided to tell her that he’s married. This may cause her to have all kinds of negative emotions that we need to navigate through (like so many times before). Knowing this information now or finding out later will really make no difference. We will continue to face drama and surprises as long as he is in our lives. I’ve learned there is really no way to prepare for any of it.