No Identity
Recovering from emotional abuse is extreme. There are moments when you have it all together and know that you will make it. Then there are moments like today when I can’t help but feeling like I no longer have an identity. After years of conditioning, I was trained to sacrifice myself and be the ‘perfect partner’ who did not rock the boat or complain. I can’t help but find myself continuing this pattern of putting everyone else ahead of myself. I see it in others and try to lift them up, but can’t seem to put myself and my needs ahead of the needs of others. I’ve always been a simple, low maintenance person. I take pride in not needing a weekly pedicure, fancy new clothes or a new hair style every month. However, I think ‘simple’ has turned into ignoring ‘me’ and putting me last. It’s my “go-to” as an empath, but it has also been amplified in the last several years with the emotional leach that I dedicated my life to. At this point, I don’t even know if I have a ‘me’ identity anymore. It was copied then lifted from me by an emotional predator. I know that this predator is no longer sucking me dry. However, old habits are hard to break. I find myself still giving all of myself to everyone around me. Most of my posts have ended on a positive note. I know I will get through this darkness. However, I felt it important to share the moments of weakness in case you can relate. Dark moments happen during this time of recovery. This one is mine.